You are browsing the archive for Things.

School Kids Say The Funniest Things?

November 14, 2010 in Funny

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George!
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t
have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I’m Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day?
Alfred: I get up early.
Teacher: Didn’t you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?
Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn’t have to keep yours.
Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.” That’s what I did.
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
Don: I hope you didn’t either.
Gary: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.
Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don’t bite any.
Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
Ellen: I is…
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say “I am.”
Ellen: All right. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Teacher: Max, use “defeat,” “defense” and “detail” in a sentence.
Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior: You said it was my lunch money.
Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you have?
Sasha: A new bike.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent One dollar.
Teacher sadly You don’t know your arithmetic.
Vincent sadlyYou don’t know my father.
Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!”

Don’t Kids Say The Funniest Things?

December 18, 2009 in Funny

I was at my grandparents in the summertime, and my nana was babysitting. Suddenly, the little boy fell. he didn’t hurt himself, but my nana said “Jesus Christmas!” and the little boy said “It’s not Christmas because there is no snow!”

Funny Things Your Older Kids Have Asked About Pregnancy/birth?

August 1, 2009 in Funny

So a few minutes ago, my son who is 4, asked me the funniest question about when i am in the hospital delivering the new baby.
“Mommy, when you are done getting the baby out of your tummy, will the doctor give you a lollipop?”
I found this absolutely hysterical, lol. But of course, all kids think that every experience with a doctor is similar to what they experience when they go to their own doctor.
What funny things have your other kids asked you about pregnancy or childbirth?

Poll; Don’t Kids Just Say The Funniest Things?

June 12, 2009 in Funny

What is the worst ‘diss’ a kid ever gave you?

Profile photo of yonen

by yonen

This Will Make You Smile: Kids Say The Funniest Things!?

June 12, 2009 in Funny

1. Jack was watching his Mom breast feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”
2. Melanie asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”
3)One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
4)It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there!?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What he do?”

The Riddle Of Three Things, Can You Figure Em Out?

June 12, 2009 in Riddles

I give you a group of three.
One is sitting down and will never get up.
The second eats as much as is given to him, yet is always hungry.
The third goes away and never returns.
What are they?

Don’t You Think That Kids Say The Funniest Things?

May 12, 2009 in Funny

My 8 year old granddaughter “Jossy” asked me one day—Grandmommy, why do you work so much? I hardly see you. Don’t you ever get tired?”
I smiled and told her “No, sweetheart your Grandmommy is a tough old bird!”
“Old bird,” she repeated questioning. She thought about it and went out to play.
A few days later on one of my rare days off, I was busy in the kitchen. Jossy asks me, ” what are we going to eat Grandmommy? I’m hungry!”
I held out my arm and told her, “eat me I’m good.”
My granddaughter didn’t miss a beat. She then replied, “I don’t think that would be a good idea Grandmommy.”
“Why not”, I asked.
Jossy continued to say, “I don’t think you’d taste too good. You said that you were a tough old bird.”
Never forget what jewels your children and grandchildren are.

Kids Say The Funniest Things..?

April 28, 2009 in Funny

when i was on the bus today this kindergartener said everyone on the bus is babies except you and me . i said why cause i’m cool? he said no cause your pretty .. i was like
so whats the funniest thing a little kids said to you?

What Funny Things Have Your Kids Said Lately?

April 24, 2009 in Funny

I love hearing the funny things that kids out there say and do. I also love to share what my kids have done. It gives us all a moment to brag about our little ones. So my answer is, I took my daughter (who is 5) in to register her for kindergarten. On the way into the school she asked me if the school had any boy teachers. I told her “yeah they probably do why?” She looked at me with this really worried look on her face and said “Mommy can you make sure that I don’t get a boy teacher?” I asked her “why?” She tells me, “well I heard that boys have this disease called cooties and I don’t want to catch it!” Of course I explained to her that if boys had that she would have already caught it from her brother or her daddy. She tells me all serious that you can’t catch it from boys in your family, duh mom. I don’t think I have ever laughed at something that she said as much as I did that day. So everyone it’s now your time to share if you want. What funny thing has your little one said or done lately?

God is listening

April 24, 2009 in Funny

One Sunday after church about 2 weeks after Christmas, my 5yr son, Jake, went up to the priest and told him that he needed to speak to God. He was annoyed that God didn’t tell Santa about some car he wanted for Christmas that he didn’t get. (I couldn’t remember the name of it, so he didn’t get it, oh well) The priest told him to speak away, that God was listening and my son said “Do you have him on speaker phone on your cell phone?”

Skip to toolbar