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School Kids Say The Funniest Things?

November 14, 2010 in Funny

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George!
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t
have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I’m Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day?
Alfred: I get up early.
Teacher: Didn’t you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?
Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn’t have to keep yours.
Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.” That’s what I did.
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
Don: I hope you didn’t either.
Gary: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.
Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don’t bite any.
Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
Ellen: I is…
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say “I am.”
Ellen: All right. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Teacher: Max, use “defeat,” “defense” and “detail” in a sentence.
Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior: You said it was my lunch money.
Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you have?
Sasha: A new bike.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent One dollar.
Teacher sadly You don’t know your arithmetic.
Vincent sadlyYou don’t know my father.
Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!”

Ok Here Is A Quick Couple For The Kids Are They Funny And Ok I Know Silly Jokes?

December 19, 2009 in Funny

Q: Why do cows like being told jokes?
A: Because they like being amoosed!
Q: What do cows like to dance to?
A: Any kind of moosic you like!
Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical chairs!
Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!

Don’t Kids Say The Funniest Things?

December 18, 2009 in Funny

I was at my grandparents in the summertime, and my nana was babysitting. Suddenly, the little boy fell. he didn’t hurt himself, but my nana said “Jesus Christmas!” and the little boy said “It’s not Christmas because there is no snow!”

Can Anybody Give Me Some Funny Treasure Hunt Clues For Party For Kids Thanks?

December 18, 2009 in Funny

a place where it rains indoors (shower)
It’s not the north pole, but it sure feels like it in there (fridge)

What did the elf use to make him taller?

December 14, 2009 in Funny, Riddles

Q. What did the elf use to make him taller?
A. He used elf raising flour.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
What do you call a girl with the Titanic on her head?
Mandy lifeboats.
Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond.
What has webbed feet and fangs?
Count Quackula.
What dog smells of onions?
A hot dog.
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word ‘analyze’ in it.
Pupil: My sister Anna lies in bed until nine o’clock.
Which soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers.

Snakes don’t have feet

December 14, 2009 in Funny

1)TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me, Teacher… snakes don’t have feet
2) TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:You told me to do it without using tables.
3)A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, “That’s okay, Daddy, I didn’t like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That’s why I pinched her.”
4) Melanie asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

Why did the mustard win the race?

December 11, 2009 in Funny

Why did the mustard win the race?
Because the ketchup couldn’t catch up.
If April showers bring May flowers, then what do Mayflowers bring?
What has a mouth but never eats, a bed but never sleeps, and a bank but has no money?
A river.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She saw a good looking rooster on the other side!
Why didn’t the shark eat the woman?
Because it was a man eating shark.
Why did the orange roll down the hill?
Because it run out of juice.
What do soccer players, basketball players and newborn babies have in common?
They dribble.
What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
How deep does a frog like the water?
Knee deep.
How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.They prefer the dark!
How do porcupines play leapfrog?

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by yonen

Why did the girl take a ladder to school?

December 11, 2009 in Funny

Q: Why can’t babies get married?
A: They don’t know how to tie the knot.
Q: Why did the girl take a ladder to school?
A: Because she was going to high school!
Q: What invention allows you to see through walls?
A: Windows.
Q: What do you call two bananas peels?
A: A pair of slippers.
Q: Why did the soldier salute the tiger?
A: Because the tiger had more stripes.
Q: What di the rock pool say to the other rock pool?
A: My mussles are bigger than yours!
Q: Which travels faster, cold or heat?
A: Heat, because you can catch cold.
Q: Why did Polly put the kettle on?
A: Because she had nothing else to wear.
Q: Why did the little girl take candy to sleep?
A: To have sweet dreams.
Q: What has a hundred legs but can’t walk?
A: Fifty pairs of pants.
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too!
Q: A woman has seven children, half of them are boys. How can this be possible?
A: All the children are boys, so half are boys and so are the other half.

What is horsepower?

December 11, 2009 in Funny

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know, and then stop.
Question: What is horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit. So, never mind.
Talc is found in rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says, “No fair jumping without coming down.”
When they broke open molecules, they found they were stuffed with atoms. But, when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. But, when planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

Kids In Church Funny ?

December 10, 2009 in Funny

A little boy was overheard praying:”Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.I’m having a real good time like I am.”

After the christening of his baby brother in church,Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,”That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,”And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”One bright little girl replied , “Because a lot of people are sleeping.”

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

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